There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
