went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
