I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize