if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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