You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
