Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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