I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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