I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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