When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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