DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
