How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
