Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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