Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
