If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
