I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
