I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
