**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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