I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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