Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
