Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
