I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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