I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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