Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
