If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
