Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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