I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
