nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
