i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
