Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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