We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
