What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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