u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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