If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
