He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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