i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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