I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this will be a night to untag.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
