If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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