Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
