I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize