So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
