my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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