I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
