I'm drive I can fine osifer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
