I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize