is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
