I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
