I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
