Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
