FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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