Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize