Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
