he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
