i already hear my dad disowning me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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