well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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