The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
