Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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