apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
