He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
