wrigley field is MILF paradise
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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