They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
