I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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