I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
