found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
