I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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