That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
