whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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