respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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