Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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