yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
