i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
