I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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