chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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